(Washington, D.C. – Exclusive to eGrumps) The Obama administration announced plans to nationalize the nation’s sperm banks. Fearing a catastrophic meltdown to the entire system, with consequent dire results to America, they felt they had no alternative to taking this step. “The actions of the Octomom, in using sperm banks to cause her to be impregnated in such a manner, resulting in eight children, shows how rapidly it is spinning out of control,” a spokesman for the administration stated. “Suppose every American wanted to use the system this way, it is apparent that the Sperm Bank system would collapse. We cannot allow this to happen,” he stated. “We must act now while the threat is not imminent, because once it becomes imminent, it is too late.”
He went on to say that while there has been no reduction in deposits, the alarming rate of withdrawals is considered quite serious. When questioned further, he stated “If the government cannot screw you directly, we are not going to let you do it to yourself. That’s the American way!”
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