Dear Ms. Napolitano:

I am a Veteran and object most strongly to your Department’s report, that you must have approved, that military veterans could be susceptible to right wing recruiters or commit lone acts of violence because of our military training. Your report seems to say that  this can create a potential devastating threat to the peace and freedom of America.

Well, Ms. N. I believe this may be true with one small qualification – we veterans can also be susceptible to left wing, not to mention center wing, recruiters. We may also not be susceptible to right, left or center wing recruiters. I am sure some veterans are and some are not – so your statement is pure nonsense and does nothing to help Homeland Security, your stated mission. I most respectfully suggest you return your salary for the time you spent on this stupid report.

I want to confess, however. When I was mustered out, as a combat veteran, I was proficient in the bow and arrow. There was not one bad-guy Indian who was not terrified of me. I could hit a moving target at 250+ yards and was the scourge of the entire North American continent. Squaws used to sit around the campfires warning their little papooses to be fearful of me – I was known by the nickname “Dead Eye eGrumps.”

Now, however, I can not even see 250 yards. I can still hit a target with the old bow and arrow, provided it is not moving and is 10 feet or less in front of me. My peripheral vision isn’t too good either.

So, Ms. N. – please amend your report to exclude old Veterans from presenting any danger to the peace and freedom of the Republic. The report is simply not fair, and I object. I’m sure my old friends would feel the same way, but they are either dead or in nursing homes and can’t remember doodly. Don’t forget to give back your salary!

Most respectfully

eGrumps.