(Los Angeles County Zoo. Exclusive, April 21, 2009) EGrumps has learned of a meeting of the primates (Apes, Monkeys, Orangutans and Miscellaneous other primate species) that recently took place at the County Zoo. The Primates wanted to discus the theory of Intelligent Design, or Creationism, and its effect on Primates. The theory that homo sapiens (man) was not descended from the Primates through evolution, but rather came about through Intelligent Design, was of great concern.
A wide ranging discussion took place with a variety of views presented. Some concern was expressed that, if Creationism became prevalent, it would lower the primates standing in the hierarchy of life. As one Chimp said, “Look, if the humans don’t want to be descended from us, we may not be treated the same as before. They could even remove our fake trees and rubber tires which are so much fun. Why should they give them to us if we are not related?’
A contrary view was expressed by a spider monkey, who said “Great, who wants to be related to those bozos anyhow. All they do is eat, drink, fornicate and make war on their fellow humans, which really puts us in a bad light with our little ones. How can we explain such behavior to them? Good riddance, I say. These animals, figuratively speaking of course, should not be descended from us. It is no great honor.”
The King of the Apes opined: “Charles Darwin was full of it. The Origin of Species was the greatest con-job of all time, and we are paying the price for such nonsense. Mutations determining the future of species? Who is going to fall for that? It is preposterous, on its face. In intellect we are far superior to them, and the fact they throw us bananas to eat only shows how gullible they are. Maybe we can get a good T-Bone steak (with potatoes) if they accept the facts. Personally, I’m sick of bananas. I’d tell them where they can put their bananas, but I don’t think that would be the civilized thing to do.”
After much discussion, the Primates decided to form a Committee (The Primate Commission(also know as ‘The PC’) to make recommendations. The meeting adjourned with a promise by the Ape King to continue the discussion once The PC report had been received. Everyone agreed that the matter was quite serious and the consequences for the Primates was of great concern not only to them but for future generations of Primates.
“We’re mad as hell and we’re not going to take it anymore,” the King of Apes yelled, thumping his chest for emphasis as the meeting adjourned.
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