(Washington DC, April 28, 2009) (Exclusive to eGrumps)
President Obama recently announced a possible new direction to determine American foreign policy. Citing the statement of Polish pianist, Krystian Kimerman (“KK”), made in Los Angeles yesterday, that he would no longer play in the United States because of our foreign policy, Guantanamo Bay, and our relations with Poland, the President has decided to consult a new group to determine if KK’s pronouncement should determine the conduct of the entire United States of America. He thought KK might have a point, but he didn’t think one pianist from Poland (no matter how famous) should determine America’s actions. Therefore he has decided to poll the entire Polish National Symphony Orchestra (123 musicians) to let them make the decision. He considered requiring a super majority (2/3rds) of the orchestra in order to be binding on the United States or perhaps requiring a super majority only of those who voted to make the decision. Despite known Polish opposition to the old Russian Tsars, he consulted with all Czars he had previously appointed to run America to get their opinions. A near-unanimous decision was made to count only those musicians who voted, and then only require a simple majority.
As a compromise to his critics, however, President Obama decided to allow the Conductor to vote, even though he was not technically a musician. In line with the Administrations position on card-check legislation for American labor unions, the vote would not be secret. He stated “This represents a great step forward for America. We are consulting our foreign friends, not one simple musician, to make decisions for our country, and what better people to consult than the Polish National Symphony Orchestra, a truly impartial cosmopolitan group.” He went on to say that “It may be possible for America to poll other nation’s symphony orchestras, soccer teams, glee clubs or similar groups to determine America’s policies. It is truly a giant step forward toward bilateral cooperation, and will show that America is no longer arrogant toward the rest of the world. I hope Mrs. Clinton, the Secretary of State, will not mind this new approach to foreign policy, but I won the election. I hope she remembers. Is America a great country, or what?”
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on Tuesday, April 28th, 2009 at 7:12 am and is filed under American policy, Comedy, Humor, Humor - Political, Political Satire, Political Truth, Satire, Wit.
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