(Sacramento, CA, May 31,2009)(exclusive to eGrumps) In a desperate attempt to avoid bankruptcy, Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger, announced that the golden state of California was looking for a merger partner. He stated “Although we may be slightly tarnished because of a few small financial problems, California would make a great acquisition for another state,  a sovereign [...]

Washington D.C, May 29, 2009 (Exclusive to eGrumps) In an effort to fill out the Cabinet of Czars, President BHO appointed a  new Cyber Czar whose job it will be to protect cyberspace from foreign based attacks on the American computer communication infrastructure, thus protecting the security of the United States. In addition domestic attacks [...]

Before making his nomination, President BHO read Hamlet’s Soliloquy: “To empathize, or not to empathize, is that the criteria I use? Whether ’tis nobler in the view of the populace to have a judge that empathizes Or take arms against a sea of voters. And by opposing end the problem no matter what the voters [...]

On April 12, 2009, after North Korea’s first missile launch, I wrote the following: “President Obama decided to take affirmative action against North Korea today. Expressing great admiration for the United Nations for planning to adopt a “presidential statement” on Monday condemning North Korea for their missile launch, he has ordered 100,000 paper copies of [...]

  The Army has a toast:  “To Absent Friends.” As I drove  past the National Veterans Administration Cemetery yesterday, I saw hundreds of boy and girl scouts, with their leaders, placing a flag on each grave. While driving past it today, I saw thousands of American flags, one flying over each grave, I thought of that [...]

(Bejing-Washington, May 23, 2009)(exclusive to eGrumps) The representitives of the United States and China announced major progress in their conference to discuss “Climate Change – Advantages and Disadvantages.” In a joint announcement (following a very difficult five day initial negotiating meeting) the countries agreed as follows: 1. If they were able to agree on a [...]

(Washington D. C. May 21, 2009)(exclusive to e-Grumps) Representative Charles Rangel (D – NY) expressed strong objection to the Geitner Tax Deferral Plan suggested by eGrumps on May 18, 2009.  Rep. Rangel, among other things, failed to report taxable income of about $75,000 earned from rentals in the Dominican Republic. He stated that it simply [...]

(Washington, D.C. May 19, 2009)(exclusive to eGrumps) Because of the soon to be implemented National Health Insurance Plan, President Obama announced two new plans to assist the doctors in their adaption to the new system. First – The “No Doctor Left Behind Act” – this plan will educate doctors in the best way to adapt [...]

(Washington D.C. May 18, 2009)(Exclusive to eGrumps) The current stimulus plan is not working. Unemployment figures are rising. The problem – the consummer does not have enough disposable income to buy goods and stimulate the economy. But – a precedent has been set, and I guarantee the “eGrumps Stimulus Plan” will work. The current Secretary [...]

(Washington D. C. May 17,2009)(exclusive to eGrumps) The National Committee to select the winner of the Annual Foot-in-the Mouth Award held a special meeting at an undisclosed location. Because of the sensitive nature of the work of the Committee and the extreme danger to its members, neither the location nor the names of the Committee [...]

(Washington D.C. May 14 ,2009)(Exclusive to eGrumps) Unconfirmed reports indicate that GM (with government sponsorship and encouragement) plans to use its Chinese manufacturing facilities to produce cars and import them into the US. When questioned as to how this would help American automobile workers, an unnamed Administration spokesman said: “It’s a trade off. The Chinese [...]

Washington, D.C., May 14, 2009)(exclusive to eGrumps) In order to clear up the confusing, contradictory statements put out by Speaker Pelosi as to her knowledge of the techniques that were used, or were intended to be used,  in questioning terrorists, a bill was introduced in Congress to determine the truth of Mrs. Pelosi’s comments. Speaker Pelosi [...]

(Washington D. C., May 12, 2009) (exclusive to eGrumps) The Official Stimulus Csar, who has joined the prestigious Committee of Csars, has decreed that California will get its $7,000,000,000 (+/-) stimulus package only if it rescinded a reduction in the minimum wages that the state paid to unionized home health care workers, even though the [...]

Dear God: This year,  please send clothes to all those poor ladies on Daddy’s Computer. I promise to be good next year!

(Washington D.C. , May 7, 2009) (Exclusive to eGrumps) Speaker Nancy Pelosi announced at a press conference held today that, while she did attend the House Intelligence Committee briefings in 2002, she misunderstood the report. Because of a hearing problem, which had recently developed, and was shortly thereafter cured, she thought she had been briefed [...]

(Washington, D. C. April 6, 2009)  (Exclusive to eGrumps) The Executive Committee of the independent (sometimes) Washington Press Corps debated a problem that could have arisen had Senator Edwards become President. While it was not relevant at the present time, since Sen. Edwards was not nominated, yet alone elected, and, in fact, he may not [...]

Dear President Obama, It is my understanding that you are looking for one or more nominees to fill forthcoming vacancies on the Supreme Court. I read that you are looking for someone with empathy and compassion. With all due respect, sir, I believe that, while such qualities are indeed admirable, you should consider the traits [...]

Murphy’s Laws of Technology: 1. Logic is a systematic way of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence. 2. The attention span of a computer is only as long as its electrical cord. 3. The degree of technical competence is inversely proportional to the level of management.

(Washington, D.C., May 2, 2009)(exclusive to eGrumps) President Obama spoke to the White House Press Corps (a semi-independent branch of government) stating that in searching for an individual to fill the vacancy that was going to occur in the Supreme Court, he was looking for a person with “empathy” for “people’s hopes and struggles.” He [...]

After considerable debate among his 3 friends, and a very close vote, 3 to 1 with eGrumps being in the minority, he proudly announced that his suggestion for an official slogan, despite not being approved by the three friends,  would be adopted. His 3 friends resigned, all leaving the conference room, saying, in effect, eGrumps, we are [...]