Pelosi Mistakes “Surfboarding” for “Waterboarding.”
(Washington D.C. , May 7, 2009) (Exclusive to eGrumps)
Speaker Nancy Pelosi announced at a press conference held today that, while she did attend the House Intelligence Committee briefings in 2002, she misunderstood the report. Because of a hearing problem, which had recently developed, and was shortly thereafter cured, she thought she had been briefed on surfboarding, and that waterboarding was simply a type of surfboarding with a different type of board. She was under the impression, she said, that the CIA was merely training the captives to be surfboard instructors in order to coach several of Middle East countries to send teams to the 2004 Olympics.
She thought it was a wonderful idea to rehabilitate those poor misguided “terrorists,” who had been so badly misjudged by the rest of the world. She said that she felt it was sort of like Affirmative Action, like giving criminal prisoners vocational training before they are released. Who would object to that, certainly not her.
Under those circumstances, she felt no need to object to the waterboarding tactics and, indeed, had asked if there was something else the Congress could do to bring those men back into civilized society.
She went on to state, at her press conference, that had the CIA told her what they were doing with waterboarding, she would have strenuously objected. She stated that the CIA must have known of her hearing impairment and deliberately had the speaker talk softly so she could not hear the speaker and that while she lacked evidence, she thought President Bush was behind this deception. ”I am all in favor of encouraging the rehabilitationof these poor misguided souls, as is the rest of our beloved country,and everything the USA could do to help in that process was just fine with her. We need more vocational waterboarding programs (oops, vocational surfboarding programs) to show our good faith to the Arab world. “
She did not understand how anyone could question her motives and her patriotism since she had always had America’s best interests at heart. “Waterboarding, surfboarding, smurfboarding, it’s all the same ” who could blame her for misunderstanding such words, except for the Republicans, of course.
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