(Washington, D.C. May 19, 2009)(exclusive to eGrumps)
Because of the soon to be implemented National Health Insurance Plan, President Obama announced two new plans to assist the doctors in their adaption to the new system.
First – The “No Doctor Left Behind Act” – this plan will educate doctors in the best way to adapt to changes in the medical profession, like the “Two (2) Minute Visit and Consultation” and “How To Examine and Treat Two or More Patients in The Same Examination Room at The Same Time,” “Self-Administered Anesthesia for the Patient Awaiting Surgery” and “Discounts for Patients Who Return Scalpels, Bandages, and Sutures After Surgery” are only a few of the more than 300 courses that will be available.
Second – “The Doctor Retraining Act” for those doctors who wish to leave the medical profession and desire to go into a more promising financial career. While the exact number of courses to be offered has not been determined, several of the more promising appear to be; “Auto Repair for The Retired Doctor,” “Cooking the MacDonald’s Way,” “How to be a Guide for Bird Watching Expeditions, and Make Money,” and “How to Write and Act in Medical Anatomy Shows, or Porn for the Retired Doctor.”
The plans were greeted by the American Medical Association with great enthusiasm. Their press release said, in part “…The AMA supports these plans without reservations. We feel that the “Porn for the Retired Doctor” course will be a great success since we doctors have been screwing the public for years, Thank you President Obama for thinking of us. Perhaps some day we can return the favor.”
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