(Washington, D. C., June 6, 2009)(exclusive to eGrumps)
The administration proudly announced that their proposed health care plan was financially very feasible. “This plan will work” said one spokesperson (who asked for anonynimity). Those who object to the plan have not considered the plan to reduce costs by limiting, or else reducing certain procedures. While the scope of the limited procedures has not been finalized, the elimination of the procedures will be based on the age of the recipient. The older the person is, the less that will be authorized with a cut-off date of all treatments beginning at age 103. That will be progressively reduced, so that by 2010, the cut-off date will be age ninety. By 2011, the cut off date will be eighty, and so. There is no truth to the rumor that by 2018, the cut-off age will be thirty-five. That probably will not come, they said until 2020. The administration was considering a lower cut-off date for those illegal aliens who will be entitled to full benefits.
Everyone, regardless of age, will get free aspirin to help with pain management.
This who do not endorse the plan are very poor sports, and, indeed, not patriotic.
There is no truth to rumor that “obese” people will not qualify. “Look,” the spokesman said, “If they don’t want to take care of themselves, the government must.”
In order to make this fair to everyone, no one can opt-out of coverage. It simply would not be fair, they said, to allow the rich to pay for their own health care and save their lives, unless, of course, the patient is a big political contributor to the political party in power. This will be called the “political exemption” and the scope of the exemption will be determined by the President. There will be no right of appeal.
Free burial service will be offered in government-run cemeteries.
The plan has been unanimously endorsed by everyone under the age of 25.
The plan is based upon the plan in the movie “Soylent Green,” and the science fiction novel “Make Room! Make Room!” by Hary Harrison. Both excellent examples of how such a plan will work.
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on Saturday, June 6th, 2009 at 11:50 am and is filed under America, American policy, Congress, Humor - Political, Political Satire, Political Truth, Satire.
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