(Los Angeles, CA, June 15, 2009)(Exclusive to eGrumps)
At a press conference held in Los Angeles, CA today, eGrumps presented his solution to the problem that is tearing apart the fabric of American society. The problem, eGrumps said, is the clash between those who favor traditional values and believe that a marriage should be between a man and woman, or vice versa, a woman and a man, and those who have more “liberal” values and believe the all people are created equal and are entitled to equal protection and rights under the U. S. Constitution, and therefore a marriage can also be between two men or between two women. The two views are, quite frankly, incompatible, at least up until now.
eGrumps told the assembled reporters and cameramen that he had invited a number of prominent politicians to attend, but all had declined. He felt that was truly sad since there was a solution to reconcile the apparently irreconcilable difference of opinion.
eGrumps proposed that the State should adopt a policy of allowing gay marriages every other year and regular marriages either every year, or, should the gays feel that was still was not fair, in every other year.
Therefore – under his proposal gays could marry in odd numbered years and straights could marry either in all years or in even numbered years. The selection of odd years for gay marriages seemed appropriate, he said. “It’s fair to all couples, odd for gays and even for straights.” Who can object to that.
The sanctity of marriage will be preserved, at least in even numbered years. The rights of homosexuals to marry will be created, at least in odd numbered years. “It is truly a win, win stituation, and I am surprised no one had ever thought of it before. I am sure the President will approve of this. The Governors of the various States should not disapprove.” It had been suggested that a large marriage tax should be imposed, thus curing California’s, and the rest of the states’ budget deficits, but that was still under discussion and probably best left to the discretion of the individual states.
eGrumps also announced the formation of a blue ribbon committee to determine whether to legitimize marriages between one man, say, and two or more women and between one woman and two or more men. Marriages between two men and two women, sort of a mass marriage, are under consideration.He didn’t think, he said, that the governor wanted any more trouble from those desiring a polygamous arrangement so a solution will be found.
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on Monday, June 15th, 2009 at 4:37 pm and is filed under American policy, Comedy, Humor, Humor - Political, Political Satire, Political Truth, Satire.
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