The trouble with becoming an IRS Agent, 95% of them give the rest a bad name.

The difference between tax avoidance and tax evasion – the jail walls.

Letter to the IRS:
After hearing a sermon on Sunday, a man wrote the following to the IRS:
“I have been unable to sleep, knowing that I have cheated on my income tax. I understand my taxable income and have enclosed a check for $150.00.
If I still can’t sleep, I’ll send in the rest.”

For every tax problem there is a solution which is straightforward, uncomplicated and wrong.

Q: “How many tax advisors does it take to change a lighbulb?”
A: “In the summer there is a tax deductable convention in Hawaii, dealing with this issue.”

Washington D. C., Agust 25, 2009  (Commentary by eGrumps)

In regard to the now pending rather nebulous health care bills, Washington is wondering which statement of a former President of the United States is President Obama following — Abraham Lincoln or George W. Bush:

Abraham Lincoln: You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you can not fool all of the people all of the time. or

George W. Bush: “You can fool  some of the people all the time, and those are the ones you want to concentrate on.”

(I’m not sure Pres. Bush ever said those words, but it is urban legend that he did, so who am I to argue with that.)

Las Vegas is laying 10 to 1 that Obama is following the quotation of President Bush – hard to believe. He may deny it, but facts are facts.

Washington, D. C. August 19, 2008 (Commentary by eGrumps)

The Obama Administration in a desperate effort to balance the budget and eliminate the negative fiscal effect of “Universal Health Care,” has proposed allowing Americans (but not illegals) to purchase, in advance, prepaid medical junkets for overseas treatment. Anticipating a possible, though remote, rationing of medical care, the Administration intends to sell packaged trips to advanced medical care facilities in Switzerland, India and soon-to-be built clinics in Tijuana, Mexico.

The overseas medical facilities will be staffed, 100%, by American doctors and nurses who do not want to accept the reimbursement rate the government intends to pay for services they would otherwise perform in the United States.. The cost of the junket will include air-fare, medical care at an approved facility, hotel room for a spouse, and all medical treatment. The cost structure is being worked on. (more…)

Washington D. C., August 18, 2009  (Commentary by eGrumps)

In a remarkable example of how not to represent a client, the Department of Justice (“DOJ”) has filed a brief in the case of a gay couple suing the federal government to invalidate the Defense of Marriage Act which was enacted by Congress in 1996. 

The DOJ position will satisfy neither those in favor of gay marriages nor those opposed to them.

The DOJ has said in their brief that they are required by law to defend federal statutes as long as reasonable arguments can be made for their constitutionality (Score One Point for those opposed to Gay Marriage). They also said  that, although it is required by law to support the law, “even if it disagrees with a particular statute as a policy matter, as it does here” (Score One Point for those in favor of Gay Marriage).     (more…)

Washington, D. C., August 14, 2009 (Commentary by eGrumps)

Bowing to popular pressure, President Obama, after stating that there were no “Death Panel” provisions in any portion of the proposed Obamacare health bills, has ordered the non-existing provisions deleted from the proposed law. No longer  would “dying with dignity” be considered, rather “dying without dignity” would be the operative criteria.

In lieu of the removal of such non-existent provisions, he has announced that the new Law, whatever its final form, would establish “End Game Commissions.”      (more…)

Washington D. C., August 11, 2009 (Commentary by eGrumps)

President Obama and his Administration are taking a number of steps to educate the public and prevent misinformation from distorting the true facts about health care reform. An Administration spokesman said the President was greatly disturbed by the number of people dying on the streets, in their homes, in their offices, in the ERs and even in the hospital rooms because our health care system was broken. Concern over fiscal matters cannot interfere with the reality of this crisis. The Administration has therefore come up with a number of solutions to correct the disinformation that is poisoning the public debate.

1. Because of the large number of senior citizens (especially the very elderly in wheel chairs)           (more…)

Washington D.C, August 7, 2009 (Commentary by eGrumps)

The House of Representatives has decided to spend $550,000,000 to buy about 8 Gulfstream Jets (The exact number proposed is not quite clear). The Air Force had requested only 1 Gulfstream Jet. (more…)

1. I will try to figure out why I need 8 e-mail addresses

2. I will stop sending e-mail to my wife.

3. I resolve to back up my 1GB hard drive daily, …well, once a week….well, once a month.

4. I will spend less than one hour a day on the Internet.

5. I will think of a password other than “password.”

6. I will stop checking my e-mail at 3:00 A.M.

7. I resolve to work with neglected children — my own.

Washington, D.C., August 5, 2009 (Commentary by Grumps)

Renaming the White House:

In a momentus and unprecedented announcement from the White House (the “WH”), in view of the racial “controversy” surrounding  Sonya Sotomayor, Professor Gates, Barack Obama and others and  in view of all of the various ethnicity’s residing in the US (legally and illegally), the Obama Administration announced that in an effort to bring racial harmony to DC, the WH would no longer be called the WH. It announced that six interior and exterior decorators, of various nationalities and religions, had been hired (as part of the Stimulus, Cash for Clunkers and TARP programs) to repaint the WH in different colors. “It will better reflect the true diversity of the United States” an Administration spokesman said. “Every wing, wall, roof section, and column will be of a different color. The various hues to be used will be in direct proportion to the hues of our population, i.e. X% White, Y%, Black,  Z% brown as determined by the census to be conducted every ten years.Regardless of the census, however,  at least a 1% color will be allocated to each group, even if that percentage is not reflected in the census figures.”

The ex-WH will be repainted every ten years to keep the color arraingment current. There was some controversy because  the Administration Diversity Czar, Religious Czar and the Freedom from Religious Czar felt the colors should be based upon the percentage of religious beliefs held by various religious and non-religious groups in the US. This was not adopted because of a dispute as to what color would be allocated to the atheists.

The matter of which color will be placed where was still under discussion. A major point of controversy was the new name for the WH, since WH would no longer be appropriate. Because of the cost of reprinting stationery, business cards, maps, web site names, etc. it was decided to keep the “H” in place so everyone could merely white-out the W. Someone suggested it should be called the “Ex-WH,” since all that needed to be done was to stamp “Ex” before “WH,” but a number of the committee members said that reminded them of their ex-wives, which was not good. It was almost decided to call it “The House of Ill-Repute,” or HIR, even though it did bring to mind the number of other houses of ill-repute in DC. It was clear that some confusion would arise since when someone said I’ll meet you at the House of Ill Repute, it was ambiguous, to say the least., as to where they would meet – not to mention with whom.

Finally – the Committee decided to call it “The President’s House of Ill Repute,” or “PHIR” for short. In view of what had gone on in the WH in previous years, the Committee felt the new name was quite appropriate.

The following are preserved in the Annals of Famous Last Words:

1. What does this button do?

2. I’m making a citizen’s arrest.

3. Are you sure the power is off?

4. He’s probably just hibernating

5. The odds of that happening have to be a million to one.

6. Pull the pin and count to what?