Washington, D. C., August 14, 2009 (Commentary by eGrumps)
Bowing to popular pressure, President Obama, after stating that there were no “Death Panel” provisions in any portion of the proposed Obamacare health bills, has ordered the non-existing provisions deleted from the proposed law. No longer would “dying with dignity” be considered, rather “dying without dignity” would be the operative criteria.
In lieu of the removal of such non-existent provisions, he has announced that the new Law, whatever its final form, would establish “End Game Commissions.”
All senior citizens, together with those entering nursing homes, hospitals, hospices, assisted living facilities and those moving in with their children or grandchildren would be asked to be interviewed by one of the End Game Commissions that would be established. Each commission would be staffed by at least one medical doctor, one nurse practitioner and one trained hospice person. Cookies, cakes and coffee would always be available. No law would be signed, he stressed, that did not contain the free cookie provision.
At the meeting, the Senior would be explained the disadvantages of Dying Without Dignity and the effect it would have on the surviving relatives and friends, not to mention society-as-a-whole.
Because of the fact that Seniors may have trouble getting to the Commission locations, he was recommending that each Commission have a “Dying-Without-Dignity Motor Home” which could go the the location of the Senior. This was really ecologically very sound since no longer would hundreds of cars go the Commission meeting places, wasting gas, emitting pollutions into the air, and doing hundreds of other bad things to the environment, but now one vehicle would be able to travel to visit many Seniors. The concept was quite similar to the dog washing vans that go to pet’s homes, rather than having the dogs come into the vets. He stated this was a stellar example of the cross-pollination of good ideas to benefit society.
The Administration did give some consideration to combing the dog-washing vans with the “Dying-Without-Dignety Motor Homes”, but it was felt this would have a very bad psychological effect on the dogs, so the idea was scrubbed.
He stressed that attending the Commission hearings would be totally voluntary. Despite, the fact that the names of the Seniors that would be contacted would come from the IRS records, there would be absolutely no follow-up inquiry by the IRS if the Senior did not attend, although further inquiry could be made by the IRS by checking the Senior’s, or their children’s or grandchildren’s tax returns if he or she did not attend. Compliance by the Senior would be totally voluntary
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