Sacramento, CA, September 2, 2009 (Commentary by eGrumps)
Administrative Alert: Because of the save-the-environment-from-imminent-disaster movement eGrumps has decided to twiterize this report. Abbreviations will be used to save letters. Since letters are soon to be declared an endangered species, eGrumps wants to get ahead of the curve. The eGrumps Editorial Board decided it was not feasible to limit the number of letters used, like Twitter, but that was no reason not to try to economize by being, as much as possible, environmentally friendly without confusing its readers. For example, the Board decided that CGASDTRC (California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger (hereafter “Gov”)decided to release convicts) would be fairly incomprehensible so the site could not go totally green despite its obvious benefits. That was no reason, however, they felt not to try to eliminate letters where possible). EGrumps with his less-than compassionate approach to life, stated “If anyone has any trouble understanding the abbreviations ‘Live With It.’”)
eGrumps Commentary: At a secret meeting of the grand bozos who run California (now know as The Great Insolvent State of California (hereafter “GISOC”) a unique plan was devised, rooted in contemporary history to (i) reduce the number of prisons, (ii) release, and clear, a substantial number of prisoners from overcrowded prisons, and (iii) not incidentally, save the GISOC a substantial amount of money.
The Anonymous Chairman of the meeting (hereafter “AC”) released a heavily redacted version of the minutes. The AC announced that a precedent had been set by Scotland and the United Kingdon (hereafter “UK”) when Scotland released Abdel Baset al-Megrahi, the Lockerbee Bomber (hereafter “LB”) for compassionate reasons (hereafter “CRs”) so he would not die in prison. Under Scottish law, if death is imminent, generally 90 days, a prisoner can be released for CR. That, they said, was the case with LB.
The AC reasoned that since death will occur for all of the prisoners within some period of time (immortality being a distant dream, or nightmare if you prefer), and since no one knows with any degree of certainty when the Grim Reaper will strike, thus killing a prisoner at some future time when it strikes him (her? – can there be a Grim Reaperess?). Statistics can predict when one or more people in a group will die, it cannot accurately determine when any one member of the group will die.
Part of the answer to the poor financial condition of the GISOC would be to reduce the number of prisoners being held in prison – by releasing them for CRs, of course, so they can die at home with their loved ones. Since no one can tell when any one prisoner will die, we should, be able to release all prisoners as a compassionate gesture so that all of the ex-prisoners can die at home with their loved ones.
The Gov. thought the plan was brilliant since the precedent had been set by the Prime Minister (hereafter “PM” of the UK) that prisoners could be released for CRs. The only difference with the GISOF’s plan, the Gov’s Aide said is that GISOC can determine the time for release. “Who can say that death is not imminent for any one,” he said, “so it is better that the GISOC is conservative in this matter and not take a chance that it is not being Compassionate in releasing a prisoner. It is better to err on the side of conservatism in these matters and release the prisoners too soon, should such be the case, then release him too late and he dies in prison.”
“Thank you, Mr. Brown, the PM of the UK for once again showing we poor rebellious Americans the way to true compassion.”The taxpayers of the GISOC will always be in your debt – poor choice of words – for the GISOC doesn’t need any more debt – for this wonderful idea to be compassionate in a world where such noble sentiments are often lacking” the Gov’s Representative said. It is a win/win situation, solving much of the GISOC’s financial problem merely by following the example of the PM of the UK.
As we say in the official language of the GISOC – Muy Bueno.
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