Washington D. C., October 22, 2009    

Dear Mr. Feinberg.

I understand that you are the Pay Csar for the United States of America and are charged with setting executive compensation for those companies that have received government funds. While I am not sure of the pay cap on the salaries that you will allow to be paid, it has been quoted at $500,000 per annum (If you don’t understand Latin, Mr. F., that means “per year,” but I suspect you knew that).

I am waiting, here at eGrumps Enterprises, for government funds  so that I can pay myself  a salary.      Upon receipt of those funds, I will accept, somewhat begrudgingly, a cap of $500,000 per annum on my remuneration. Kindly send me the funds so that I can draw the measly salary that I am entitled to receive.

I do want to point out, in case you hadn’t considered this that it makes good sense for the government to give me the funds. If I pay myself a salary of $500,000 I will have to pay 37% (+/-) of that amount in taxes. Based on that salary and that income tax rate,  I will pay to the government $185,000. Since the money to pay me has already been allocated, it will have no effect on the present deficit. But — and here’s the good deal for the U.S.A. —  it will receive back $185,000 which can be used to reduce the deficit. How’s that for good government tax planning?

You, sir, will be a world hero. A patriot standing at the dike, so to speak, to plug the deficit hole that is slowly destroying the fiscal credibility of the U.S.A. in the world’s eyes. Think about it, you could even win the Nobel prize for economics with this bold move.

If you will contact me, I will send wire transfer instructions to expedite the transmittal of the funds, not to mention allowing eGrumps Enterprises to pay me a reasonable salary immediately and thus allow me to pay the income taxes due right away – or April15, 2010, to be more accurate. It is a win-win situation for everyone.

By the way – I notice the English papers refer to you as a “Pay Tsar” and the American papers refer to you as a “Pay Czar.” Which would you prefer?  Maybe “Pay Csar” would be better?  I certainly do not wish to offend you by using the wrong title. Please advise.

Your friend and tax-paying American citizen

eGrumps.

Tags: Humor, Nobel Awards, political humor, Political Satire, Political Wit

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