Homeland Security – Failure to Connect Dots – New Foolproof Machines
Washington, D. C. (January 8, 2010)
(Special to eGrumps) The Department of Homeland Security after an exhaustive review of the “security measures” in place to protect our country is instituting a novel approach to provide greater security for Americans. Legal Aliens, and Illegal Aliens residing in the United States. Citing the difficulty in not providing security for those here illegally, without violating their rights, the Department concluded that the same protection would be afforded for all. “It’s the American way,” a spokesperson said. “besides, the President has been told that some of the ‘undocumented workers’ even pay taxes (once they are caught and about to be deported). What’s fair is fair.”
The new “see-through” scanners would not have caught the Underwear Bomber, despite their enormous cost. “We are purchasing them anyhow,” the spokesperson said ”because some of the terrorists might not be smart enough to realize they don’t really work too well and many of them cannot read the spec sheets put out by the manufacturers. It’s a calculated risk, and it might work, but in any event is well worth the millions of dollars the machines cost. If they don’t prove effective, we can always resell them to the legal brothels in Los Vegas in order to provide them a quick way to screen their customers and determine which male customer should be paired up (almost said “fitted”) with which female employee. We could even make a profit on the resale.”
Having said that, the spokesman then disclosed the new machine that will be purchased. After reading the news stories about the “Fort Hood Bomber,” and the “Underwear Bomber” the investigators all concluded that there was a “failure to connect the dots.” Even President Obama, he of the open and transparent government, stated that there was a “failure to connect the dots.”
“Our new machine,” the spokesperson said is a “Connect The Dots Machine. If it had been in place, the Fort Hood shooter would have been caught in a preemptive strike and the Underwear Bomber wouldn’t even have been allowed to board the airplane. It’s what we have been missing – a ‘Connect the Dots Machine.’ It’s virtually foolproof when correctly programmed.”
When asked about details of the machine and how it worked the spokesperson merely grinned and said release of the details are on a need to know basis, and if the ‘terrorists,” enemy combatants’ and ‘bad’ guys knew of the technology involved, they could take steps to circumvent the high-tech circuitry that these machines employ.” ”As soon as the Administration feels it is safe to release the details” the spokesperson stated that “The President would go on C-Span so that America would know all about these machines. and how they work. even President Obama has stated ‘Trust me on this, would I ever promise to go on C-Span and not do it, and this time I don’t have my fingers crossed.”
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