Census and Reducing Unemployment — (from eGrumps) — March 3, 2010
Exclusive to eGrumps
Washington, D. C. (April 2, 2010)
In a plan to reduce unemployment, and continuing the modest gains of March, 2010, the Administration announced a new policy. In March, 2010, there were 162,000 employees added to the work force, according to preliminary figures. Of these jobs, 48,000 consisted of temporary workers hired for the 2010 census.
Now we are going to take monthly censuses.
As a Cabinet Meeting held in early April, it was decided to continue taking censuses. Commencing on May 1, 2010 the Administration will now conduct monthly censuses. All existing temporary workers will be assigned other duties, like reading the Census Reports, and then writing a novel from the accumulated date.
The Administration spokesman stated: “Every month 48,000+/- new workers will be added to the workforce to conduct the monthly census. At the same time, the prior months temporary hires will be assigned to writing the great American novel from the accumulated date. While we don’t expect great literature to be produced from these random figures, we are hoping to be pleasantly surprised. With so many workers devoting time to this project, there is a chance that something of literary interest will be produced, and, besides, the object is not to produce great books (we have plenty of them already) but to hire 48,000+ new employees every month in order to reduce unemployment. It is always possible, the President felt, that useful data will be mined for the overall benefit of the country from the monthly censuses, but that is a secondary concern.
“It is an ingenious plan,” the Spokesman said. “Unemployment will be reduced. The country will get tons of useful data, and it may even get great literature. Further, the number of new voters to support the Administration in the coming election will be increased significantly. “
“The Administration denied, with great vehemence that the purpose of these hirings was strictly political, that is to get new voters. A little bit, maybe, but it wanted to stress that it is a win-win situation for America. There is absolutely no truth to the rumor that a pre-printed voter registration form is attached to the employment application. Are we not a great, glorious and ingenious Administration, or what. By tweaking the system,unemployment will be a thing of the past!”
Tags: Census, Obama, Obamacare, Political Satire, Political Wit, Washington D.C.