Washington, D. C. (April 26, 2010) Special to eGrumps
The Administration has announced a new Immigration Policy which should solve, once and for all, the problem of illegal immigration -
By Executive Order, henceforth all illegal immigrants will be required to either be married, or get married within six months after they cross the Rio Grande, or wherever they are entering. All males must be accompanioed by their wives, or someone else’s wife – small detail – AND, here’s the important part. all females must give birth to a child within one year of their arrival, or their husband’s arrival, or their significant other’s arrival. The law is still being written, and Congress will know what they have passed within a reasonable time after passage.
These little heirs of the illegal’s, by virtue of being born in America, will under out Constitution and the foresight of the Founding Fathers (and Mothers) be American citizens. Now, so will their parents. Their families can remain united in a free country.The new law will provide two things to remove the stigma of illegal entry:
1: Since the children will be citizens, ALL parents of a child, who have entered the country illegally, (the parent, not the child) will automatically become American citizens upon paying a citizenship fee of $2.50 AND signing an irrevocable voter registration card for the Democratic party. An ability to read and write English will be helpful, but not an actual requirement since it would violate the American principles against racial profiling, and
2: All such children, and their parents will automatically be granted the right to vote, no matter what their age. Children, however, must be either over the age of five, or toilet trained, whichever comes first in order to vote. The Administration was unwilling to take a chance on dirty diapers in the polling booths of America. Since their may be an inability of such children to vote because they may be unable to physically fill out the ballot, any precinct worker will be empowered to actually fill out the ballot, depending on the wishes of the child. If the child cannot clearly express such wishes, the precinct worker can infer his wishes based upon the irrevocable voter registration card filled out by his parent (see #1 above).
“We have finally solved the illegal immigration problem, amnesty and citizenship for the immigrants.” the Administration spokesman said. “No more divisive fights. It is a win-win solution for America. Americans, fair minded citizens all, should rejoice in this simple solution which has evaded so many politicians for so long. The Country is secure once again, governed by the rule of law, which has made America such a great country, a haven for the poor of the world. George Washington would be proud.”
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on Monday, April 26th, 2010 at 10:34 pm and is filed under American policy, Humor - Political, Political Satire, Satire, Wit.
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