Portland, OR (August 1, 2010) Exclusive to eGrumps
Having successfully dealt with the accusations against former VP Gore, the Portland PD announced that the procedure employed with Mr. Gore will become Standard Operating Procedure (SOP) for persons accused of crimes.
In investigating the guilt or innocence of the ex-VP, he was allowed to answer 14 written questions that were furnished to him to be answered at his leisure at home (or his lawyer’s office) some time prior to their decision not to prosecute. His attorneys, and anyone else for that matter, were allowed to help him with his answers.
The Portland PD announced that was so successful, from now on anyone accused of a crime would be questioned in the same manner. They considered two sets of questions, following the good cop bad cop interrogation proceedure, but it was deemed impractical.
The spokesperson announced that this would cut down on the number of policemen employed in Portland and certainly reduce the jail population. In the future – all personnel would be supplied with written questions to be given to the suspect to answer. Miranda rights would be typed at the top of the form. For those citizens of Portland who, having graduated from High School in Portland, could not read or write, special assistants would be furnished. For those good citizens of Portland who spoke only a foreign language, translators would be furnished. The Police would not be allowed to ask the immigration status of the non-English speaking suspects.
The Mayor’s office proudly announced that this was the most humane and forward looking police procedure ever adopted and he looked forward to great success in reducing the crime rate in Portland.
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on Sunday, August 1st, 2010 at 1:26 pm and is filed under American policy, Humor - Political, Political Satire, Satire, Wit.
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