Special to eGrumps network:
Washington, D.C. (July 30, 2011)

GREECE, IRELAND, ITALY AND SPAIN  (GIIS) AGREE TO GUARANTEE THE REPAYMENT OF U. S. DEBT.

An unnamed spokesman for Secretary of the Treasury Timothy (it was all Turbo-Tax’s fault that I didn’t report taxable income) F. Geithner announced that the Treasury Department had solved the debt crisis, which really wasn’t a crisis, by long and difficult negotiations. The plan has been cleared by Republicans and Democrats, Main Street and Wall Street, and the President has not disapproved,  saying only “Present” when asked for his approval. “No vote from Congress should be needed under my Executive Powers”

Basically, GIIS have agreed to guarantee the repayment of all U. S. Debt, up to a maximum of $20,000,000,000,000. The guarantee is good for ten years and would be the joint and several obligation of each of the four countries comprising the Gang of Four, the GIIS Nations.

The spokesman said “The strength of this guarantee should soothe the fears of  any intelligent banker or politician. The future has never looked brighter for the stability of the international financial system and the solvency of the US.” He went on to say that “Congress should have no fear about raising the debt ceiling, if their consent is even required.”

When asked as to what the Gang of Four countries had received in return, the spokesman said “Not to worry, the US has agreed to guarantee $20,000,000,000,000 of their debt, and since the U S will never be called upon to honor that guarantee since the original obligations are backed by the full faith and credit of the four countries, our commitment is purely illusionary – sort of like Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac.

The White House was heard to say “Present – I knew I could work it out. If this goes the way it should I can fund Social Security, Medicare, Medicaid, Obama Care and  Congressional (and White House) pensions.”

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Sacramento.  CA

eGrumps having learned of the upcoming Los Angeles traffic catastrophe has issued the following concerning the coming Freeway closing in Los Angeles, CA.

On July 15-16 the San Diego freeway (Rte 405) will be closed for about ten miles, between Santa Monica Blvd. and Ventura Blvd. while Caltrans demolishes 1/2 of a bridge – I thought they were going to demolish the right or left side, and I couldn’t figure out how the non-demolished side would not self demolish. But I have great faith in Caltrans and I knew they must have figured out a way. It turns out I was wrong – they are going to demolish either the north side or the south side – it is classified information as to which side will be demolished, and the info is only being released to those with a need-to-know, like the 1,000,000 or so people who use that freeway every day.

Back to government information – Caltrans has put out a one page flier warning of the upcoming catastrophe. Their advice: “Motorists should use alternate regional freewas to bypass the Sepulveda pass.” Makes sense to me. Glad they told all of us about it.

Looking at a freeway map, the way I figure, the nearest alternative regional freeway goes through San Diego.

The freeway is supposed to open at 6:00 Monday morning – That will be the mother of all traffic jams. It is going to be the first automobile tsunami in the history of The Great Insolvent State of California. Carmagedon is what some are calling it, but that is probably an understatement.

Those businesses with a need for emergency workers, like hospitals, are making plans to keep their employees on the right side of the closure so they can get to work. Hospitals are somewhat concerned, but many of them have told their employees to use alternate regional freeways or else have arranged for living accomidations on the right side of the closure. I suggested to the local hospitals that they tell their patients they would not be receiving any care for two or three days, but to suck it up and behave like the adults they are.

Being somewhat concerned about the situation, I have suggested to Mrs. eGrumps that we can perform a similar public service by taking in boarders for the weekend. I was concerned that the female cocktail waitresses are going to really be in trouble if they can’t get to work, and it would be our civic duty to give the poor little ones a place to stay for the weekend. We may have to double up on bedrooms, but I am sure we can make it work. For some reason she didn’t seem too enthusiastic, even though I said we didn’t need to take in strippers, and I really hadn’t planned to erect a pole so they could practice pole dancing. I thought that idea was a non starter – unfortunately.