Special to eGrumps network:
Washington, D.C. (July 30, 2011)
GREECE, IRELAND, ITALY AND SPAIN (GIIS) AGREE TO GUARANTEE THE REPAYMENT OF U. S. DEBT.
An unnamed spokesman for Secretary of the Treasury Timothy (it was all Turbo-Tax’s fault that I didn’t report taxable income) F. Geithner announced that the Treasury Department had solved the debt crisis, which really wasn’t a crisis, by long and difficult negotiations. The plan has been cleared by Republicans and Democrats, Main Street and Wall Street, and the President has not disapproved, saying only “Present” when asked for his approval. “No vote from Congress should be needed under my Executive Powers”
Basically, GIIS have agreed to guarantee the repayment of all U. S. Debt, up to a maximum of $20,000,000,000,000. The guarantee is good for ten years and would be the joint and several obligation of each of the four countries comprising the Gang of Four, the GIIS Nations.
The spokesman said “The strength of this guarantee should soothe the fears of any intelligent banker or politician. The future has never looked brighter for the stability of the international financial system and the solvency of the US.” He went on to say that “Congress should have no fear about raising the debt ceiling, if their consent is even required.”
When asked as to what the Gang of Four countries had received in return, the spokesman said “Not to worry, the US has agreed to guarantee $20,000,000,000,000 of their debt, and since the U S will never be called upon to honor that guarantee since the original obligations are backed by the full faith and credit of the four countries, our commitment is purely illusionary – sort of like Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac.
The White House was heard to say “Present – I knew I could work it out. If this goes the way it should I can fund Social Security, Medicare, Medicaid, Obama Care and Congressional (and White House) pensions.”