NEWS FLASH!
Washington D.C.  (Exclusive to eGrumps News Service)

The Office of the President is pleased to announce that the unemployment rate in America has been reduced to 0%.

Deciding that anyone who is out of work, regardless of the length of time, will no longer be deemed a part of the work force. As a result, the work force now consists of only those people who are at work – everyone else will be disregarded. Therefore the Administration, the Spokesman (oops – make that Spokesperson), announced that it has achieved the unattainable:

100% employment, 0% unemployment.

The 7.5% (+/-) unemployment rate when the prior President left office is a thing of the past. By using the money from the stimulus bill, the cash for clunkers program, etc. (not to mention a little creative accounting) the problem of unemployment has been solved, forever. The President’s office announced that it was extremely gratified that the American people have realized that the President’s policies had finally been recognized as working. “This should certainly help with the reelection campaign, and anyone who doesn’t recognize the brilliancy of the present administration is unpatriotic.” the President’s Spokeswoman (oops– make that Spokesperson) announced.

Someone said there is a solution to every problem. The problem lies in finding it, — well, the President found it. Never in American history has this level of unemployment been reached.

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