1. “Dow posts triple-digit loss again”

and

2. Conan makes way for Jay.”

The third major headline (not on the top of the page, however) was “Signs Point to Exec’s Affair.”

eGrumps says; “That says it all as to why the newspapers are declining : A headline about two TV comics, an executive having an affair (what’s new about that?) and a major decline in the Dow average.  No wonder the Times circulation is falling through the floor – people who want to read about Dow financial info are not going to buy the LA Times, people who are interested in Conan and Jay (assuming some of you know who they are and their importance in then grand business scheme of things) aren’t going to buy the LA Times, and people who are interested in an executive’s amorous affairs aren’t going to buy the LA Times.”

I assume there is no correlation between the Dow falling, Jay and Conan switching air times, and the exec’s affair. If there is, I take it all back and the LA Times gets the eGrumps Business Award of the Year for unearthing a story on which no other media outlet has commented. If there is a correlation, then I suggest Jay and Conan should switch back, the exec should continue his affair — and all of us should go long the Dow.  (But as the SEC warning goes, past performance is no guarantee of future performance)

______________________________________________________________________________________

One of the organizations offered to bribe me, I think, by offering me a free mouse pad containing an autographed picture of President Obama if I found other things to write about. It was a temptation, believe me, to take the signed Obama mouse pad and go on to other things, but I have my standards, low as they may be.  I decided to refer the entire matter to the Department of Justice attorneys who prosecuted Senator Stevens of Alaska. They proved to me, and the whole world, that they know how to win a case – probably resulting in the  defeat of an incumbent Senator’s bid for reelection. That kind of experience is very difficult to find. The fact that they are being investigated for misconduct only proves to me that they are my kind of lawyers – win at any cost. If they can’t defend eGrumps, no one can. I hope we can agree on a retainer, like about $10.00. I need high-priced attorneys. Besides, I wondered if President Obama had really signed the mouse pad.

They are now asking for such standards to be applied to the entertainment and sports industries. Too often, they say, a movie star gets paid millions and millions of dollars, and the movie stinks. It bombs out at the box office. Professional athletes, similarly, are paid millions of dollars and they have a lousy year. “The government must stop this inequality. No performance, no big payout, and we don’t care how good the last movie or last season was.They were already paid for that performance.” The Administration spokesman said. He continued “That was then, this is now. There’s a new sheriff in town.”

He went on to say “For example, Movie Star XXX (name withheld because of privacy concerns) was paid $20,000,000 for her last film, and the movie was not good, to put it charitably, and it lost money. Someone earning the Big Salary with that result is totally unacceptable. Professional basketball player YYY (name also withheld because of privacy concerns) was paid $15,000,000 for this season, and his team is dead last in the league. He’s playing about 6 minutes a game. They bring him in as a substitute because the star has to go to the bathroom. That is also totally unacceptable. It is a fraud on the public. They pay big money to see the movie or the basketball game, and do they get their money’s worth? No! Does the star care – no, he or she has her money, but the poor schnook fan is out of luck. That is not the American way.” He said further. “If this situation is not corrected, and I mean right now, the government will step in and take over and nationalize the studios or the team.  We will insure that the American people are not cheated by this business practice of inducing customers to pay for their tickets, and then not giving them what they paid for, a winning product. We don’t care that the salary arrangement was negotiated in good faith. The contracts must be revised. This fraudulent business practice will not be permitted under the rules of the present Administration. We are prepared to act to see that the fans and customers are protected.”