(Sacramento,CA, June 2,2009)(Exclusive to eGrumps) In order to help solve the severe water shortage in the State of California, the Governor announced the formation of a new Shower Pool Department (“SPD”). The SPD would function like the existing car pool department. Each person who would like to take a shower with one or more other [...]

(Bejing-Washington, May 23, 2009)(exclusive to eGrumps) The representitives of the United States and China announced major progress in their conference to discuss “Climate Change – Advantages and Disadvantages.” In a joint announcement (following a very difficult five day initial negotiating meeting) the countries agreed as follows: 1. If they were able to agree on a [...]

(Washington D. C. May 21, 2009)(exclusive to e-Grumps) Representative Charles Rangel (D – NY) expressed strong objection to the Geitner Tax Deferral Plan suggested by eGrumps on May 18, 2009.  Rep. Rangel, among other things, failed to report taxable income of about $75,000 earned from rentals in the Dominican Republic. He stated that it simply [...]

(Washington, D.C. May 19, 2009)(exclusive to eGrumps) Because of the soon to be implemented National Health Insurance Plan, President Obama announced two new plans to assist the doctors in their adaption to the new system. First – The “No Doctor Left Behind Act” – this plan will educate doctors in the best way to adapt [...]

(Washington D.C. May 18, 2009)(Exclusive to eGrumps) The current stimulus plan is not working. Unemployment figures are rising. The problem – the consummer does not have enough disposable income to buy goods and stimulate the economy. But – a precedent has been set, and I guarantee the “eGrumps Stimulus Plan” will work. The current Secretary [...]

(Washington D. C. May 17,2009)(exclusive to eGrumps) The National Committee to select the winner of the Annual Foot-in-the Mouth Award held a special meeting at an undisclosed location. Because of the sensitive nature of the work of the Committee and the extreme danger to its members, neither the location nor the names of the Committee [...]

Dear God: This year,  please send clothes to all those poor ladies on Daddy’s Computer. I promise to be good next year!

(Washington D.C. , May 7, 2009) (Exclusive to eGrumps) Speaker Nancy Pelosi announced at a press conference held today that, while she did attend the House Intelligence Committee briefings in 2002, she misunderstood the report. Because of a hearing problem, which had recently developed, and was shortly thereafter cured, she thought she had been briefed [...]

Murphy’s Laws of Technology: 1. Logic is a systematic way of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence. 2. The attention span of a computer is only as long as its electrical cord. 3. The degree of technical competence is inversely proportional to the level of management.

(Washington, D.C., May 2, 2009)(exclusive to eGrumps) President Obama spoke to the White House Press Corps (a semi-independent branch of government) stating that in searching for an individual to fill the vacancy that was going to occur in the Supreme Court, he was looking for a person with “empathy” for “people’s hopes and struggles.” He [...]

After considerable debate among his 3 friends, and a very close vote, 3 to 1 with eGrumps being in the minority, he proudly announced that his suggestion for an official slogan, despite not being approved by the three friends,  would be adopted. His 3 friends resigned, all leaving the conference room, saying, in effect, eGrumps, we are [...]

(Washington, D.C., April 29, 2009) (Exclusive to eGrumps) After proudly proclaiming his accomplishments during the first 100 days, President Obama quoted that late great comedian, Al Jolsen “You ain’t seen nothin’ yet.” Later. at his weekly grand meeting of csars, one of the csars, thinking his microphone was shut off,  was overheard to say, “If the [...]

(Washington DC, April 28, 2009) (Exclusive to eGrumps) President Obama recently announced a possible new direction to determine American foreign policy.  Citing the statement of Polish pianist, Krystian Kimerman (“KK”), made in Los Angeles yesterday, that he would no longer play in the United States because of our foreign policy, Guantanamo Bay, and our relations [...]

I went out with a pair of twins last night. Really, did you have a good time? Yes and no.

(Washington DC, April 25,2009)(Exclusive to eGrumps) The famous citizens group (an anonymous group) set up to investigate  the non-condemnation and non-request for investigation of ethical misconduct has created a special award to be awarded to that member of Congress who has failed to (i) either condemn ethical misconduct or (ii) request the prompt  investigation of alleged [...]

Letter to Anonymous So. California Water Department RE:  Sale of Waterboards. Dear Madam or Sir: You may not recognize my name, bit I am (Classified) with the CIA. I have held that position for many years and I must say that yours was the most novel request we have ever received concerning our waterboards. We [...]

Letter to the Director, CIA Langley, Virginia Dear Sir: You may have read, or your agents may have told you, that there is a very severe water shortage in So. California. Water is being rationed and we will only be allowed to water our lawns two days a week, and then not between 9:00 AM [...]

(Los Angeles County Zoo. Exclusive, April 21, 2009) EGrumps has learned of a meeting of the primates (Apes, Monkeys, Orangutans and Miscellaneous other primate species) that recently took place at the County Zoo. The Primates wanted to discus the theory of Intelligent Design, or Creationism, and its effect on Primates. The theory that homo sapiens [...]

Energy Secretary Steven Chu at a Trinidad and Tobago conference (No, not at the Tabasco Sauce factory conference) stated the rise in temperature was “very, very scary” with future flooding, etc. etc. etc. eGrumps has three questions for him: 1. Should I buy waterfront land in Palm Springs or Death Valley? Which do you think [...]

1. An idea is not responsible for the people who believe in it. 2. Education has produced a vast population able to read, but unable to distinguish what is worth reading. (G.M.Trevelyan). 3. Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense. (S. Landesberg) 4. Artifical intelligence is no match for natural stupidity. [...]