Barbara Boxer, Senator from the Great Insolvent State of California, has stated that if the bill to cut global climate change (no longer called the bill to eliminate global warming) is not passed there will be dire results: (1) droughts, (2) flood,  (3) fires,  (4) loss of species, (5) damage to agriculture, (6) worsening air polution and (7 t0 10) ”more.”

eGrumps noted the similarity to the 10 Plagues that would be inflicted upon Egypt if the Pharoah refused to let the Hebrews go. The divine inflicted plagues were :  (1) Water to Blood, (2) Frogs, (3) Gnats or Lice, (4) Flies, (5) Livestock Diseased, (6) Boils, (7) Thunder and Hail, (8) Locusts, (9) Darkness and  (10) Death of the Firstborn. (see the Old Testament for complete description).

One can only speculate if the Firstborn will be killed if her bill is not passed, but what did she mean by the use of the word “more?”  Has the good Senator got a direct line to the Almighty?

 Since China has refused to endorse the bill to cut climate change, and since they only have allowed one birth per family, does this mean that the entire Chinese population will be will be wiped out within one generation if the dire consequences of Senator Boxer includes Death of the Firstborn? Is that what she wants – doesn’t seem too ecologically sound – I thought one of the purposes of the bill was to prevent the loss of species.

As a matter of fact, this might be one of the law of unintended consequences – America’s debt to China would be wiped out since there would be no one left to collect it.

Senator Boxer (who doesn’t like to be addressed as “Ma’am”) might be smarter than anyone thought. Way to go, Barbara, change the “dire results list” to specifically include the Tenth Biblical Plage – Death of the Firstborn. Look, if it was good enough to be used in the Bible as a Plague, it’s good enough for you to use as a scare tactic to pass the law to cut global climate change.

Because of the soon to be implemented National Health Insurance Plan, President Obama announced two new plans to assist the doctors in their adaption to the new system.

First – The “No Doctor Left Behind Act” – this plan will educate doctors in the best way to adapt to changes in the medical profession, like the “Two (2) Minute Visit and Consultation”  and “How To Examine and Treat Two or More Patients in The Same Examination Room at The Same Time,” “Self-Administered Anesthesia for the Patient Awaiting Surgery” and “Discounts for Patients Who Return Scalpels, Bandages, and Sutures  After Surgery” are only a few of the more than 300 courses that will be available.

Second – “The Doctor Retraining Act” for those doctors who wish to leave the medical profession and desire to go into a more promising financial career. While the exact number of courses to be offered has not been determined, several of the more promising appear to be; “Auto Repair for The Retired Doctor,” “Cooking the MacDonald’s Way,”  “How to be a Guide for Bird Watching Expeditions, and Make Money,” and “How to Write and Act in Medical Anatomy Shows, or Porn for the Retired Doctor.”

The plans were greeted by the American Medical Association with great enthusiasm. Their press release said, in part “…The AMA supports these plans without reservations. We feel that the “Porn for the Retired Doctor” course will be a great success since we doctors have been screwing the public for years, Thank you President Obama for thinking of us. Perhaps some day we can return the favor.”

Speaker Nancy Pelosi announced at a press conference held today that, while she did attend the House Intelligence Committee briefings in 2002, she misunderstood the report. Because of a hearing problem, which had recently developed, and was shortly thereafter cured, she thought she had been briefed on surfboarding, and that waterboarding was simply a type of surfboarding with a different type of  board. She was under the impression, she said,  that the CIA was merely training the captives to be surfboard instructors in order to coach several of Middle East countries to send teams to the 2004 Olympics.

She thought it was a wonderful idea to rehabilitate those poor misguided “terrorists,” who had been so badly misjudged by the rest of the world. She said that she felt it was sort of like Affirmative Action, like giving criminal prisoners vocational training before they are released. Who would object to that, certainly not her.

Under those circumstances, she felt no need to object to the waterboarding tactics and, indeed, had asked if there was something else the Congress could do to bring those men back into civilized society.

She went on to state, at her press conference, that had the CIA told her what they were doing with waterboarding, she would have strenuously objected. She stated that the CIA must have known of her hearing impairment and deliberately had the speaker talk softly so she could not hear the speaker and that while she lacked evidence, she thought President Bush was behind this deception. ”I am all in favor of encouraging the rehabilitationof these poor misguided souls, as is the rest of our beloved country,and everything the USA could do to help in that process was just fine with her. We need more vocational waterboarding programs (oops, vocational surfboarding programs) to show our good faith to the Arab world. “

She did not understand how anyone could question her motives and her patriotism since she had always had America’s best interests at heart.  “Waterboarding, surfboarding, smurfboarding, it’s all the same ” who could blame her for misunderstanding such words, except for the Republicans, of course.

Congressional Hearing, 2003

“Rep.  Frank: I do think I do not want the same kind of focus on safety and soundness that we have in OCC [Office of the Comptroller of the Currency] and OTS [Office of Thrift Supervision]. I want to roll the dice a little bit more in this situation towards subsidized housing.
And:
Rep. Frank: I believe there has been more alarm raised about potential unsafety and unsoundness than, in fact, exists.

That is the same Barney Frank who is now trying to “fix” the banking system. Last time he rolled the dice, he crapped out.

One of the organizations offered to bribe me, I think, by offering me a free mouse pad containing an autographed picture of President Obama if I found other things to write about. It was a temptation, believe me, to take the signed Obama mouse pad and go on to other things, but I have my standards, low as they may be.  I decided to refer the entire matter to the Department of Justice attorneys who prosecuted Senator Stevens of Alaska. They proved to me, and the whole world, that they know how to win a case – probably resulting in the  defeat of an incumbent Senator’s bid for reelection. That kind of experience is very difficult to find. The fact that they are being investigated for misconduct only proves to me that they are my kind of lawyers – win at any cost. If they can’t defend eGrumps, no one can. I hope we can agree on a retainer, like about $10.00. I need high-priced attorneys. Besides, I wondered if President Obama had really signed the mouse pad.

     1. It is ILLEGAL to text from a car (unless you are legally (as distinguished from illegally)) parked.

     2. It is ILLEGAL to text from a motorcycle (unless legally parked)

     3. It is LEGAL to text from a bicycle , whether legally parked or not. 

This is part of the legislature’s grand plan to encourage the use of bicycles and discourage the use of  fuel burning vehicles.