As you might have gathered in reading the newspapers or listening to the TV, or following the many blogs where the news seems slightly more reliable, depending, of course, on which blog you read. that the country is going to hell, rather quickly unfortunately.

Well, I have decided to do something about it:

I am going to take a vacation on Catalina’s Vineyard Island. (Formerly known as Catalina Island – off the coast of So. California)

I will not be out of touch with developments because I am taking my whole staff with me. I have a beautiful room lined up in a one-star motel overlooking the Miniature Golf course. Not to worry, however, I am taking my iPhone, iPad and laptop computer with me while I am on the links. My caddy has been vetted by the FBI, the CIA, the NSA, BAFT and DHS (and Mrs. eGrumps) so that shouldn’t be a problem. When they found out he was not here legally, but had not committed a serious crime while here, he passed with flying colors. They even gave him a temporary green card and made him promise to marry a citizen so he could qualify for immediate citizenship and voting rights.

The vetting process took about 15 minutes since everyone was having coffee at Starbucks, but once they realized the importance of the task they were asked to do, they finished their first cup, refused seconds and went to work. Mrs. eGrumps and I are very pleased with the efficiency that they acted to make sure I was safe on the links and that the top secret information I was receiving through Facebook would remain secure.

While there I intend to review the action taken by the Department of Homeland Security, taken in Washington, where 300,000 +/- people who were slated for deportation would not be slated for deportation. Except, for hardened criminals, the rest could stay. As “he” said, we don’t want to deport college kids and maids. No mention was made of maids who had committed serious crimes. Well, I think that might be a good policy if Congress had passed such a law, but, of course, they hadn’t. So — small detail. Me, I would expand those entitled to stay to include gardeners, busboys, parking lot attendants and lettuce and tomato pickers. If maids can stay, why not the rest. No sense in making them go to college – or was that the DREAM act which also did not pass Congress. I intend to review this whole situation at the 19th hole, if I’m not too tired.

I also intend to review the actions of the Environmental Protection Agency in promulgating rules to reduce carbon dioxide which will shut down about 35% of the coal fired plants in the United States. Rolling blackouts will, by every one’s projections, follow. I am aware that a full 3%, maybe 4%, of the carbon dioxide in the air comes from human emissions. If we have another volcanic eruption, that percentage will decline. I intend to talk to the caddy about this – hope he speaks English. Of course, if Congress had made carbon dioxide emissions subject to the EPA, it might have been more acceptable to the caddy.

I also intend to issue a Procamation congratulating GM in not honoring any warranty work on warranties issued before they went through bankruptcy and received their government “loan.” I want to make sure they are commended in doing their best to hold down the government deficit by keeping GM fiscally solvent so they can repay their loan before 2049. Patriotism must be recognized.
I’m really tired thinking about this before I leave for my vacation, but I must keep going. America needs a fully rested eGrumps so it can face the challenges ahead.

I had intended to think about the operation Fast and Furious matter, or Operation Gunrunner as it was called, when I was gone, but since the BATF promoted the people who were in charge, there was no sense in going into that. Besides, since I am sure that none of the AK-47s that were sold to the drug cartels will find their way to Catalina, it really isn’t my problem.

I’ve been thinking about contemplating the rule the NLRB is working on concerning so-called “ambush” elections and their failure to allow Boeing to move to South Carolina, but enough is enough.

I’ve been scouring the Catalina telephone book looking for McDonald’s so Mrs. eGrumps and I, not too mention the 100+ members of my staff can eat a healthy breakfast. I hope they will take my credit card, unless it has maxed out again. I didn’t really ask for this aggravation, but it’s a tough job, and someone has to do it, and the buck stops here, or at least stops with Mrs. eGrumps. She can handle the pressure. She has put up with me for 61+ years.

There is at least one other matter that I want to consider while I am away. I have asked my staff to come up with a way to change the state boundary lines so that we can have more Democratic leaning states and fewer Republican leaning states. Gerrymandering works on the state level to determine congressional seats, so why can’t it work on the federal level to determine the political make-up of the Senators? I truly believe the Founding Fathers and Founding Mothers, (once known as The Mamas and The Papas) not to mention the Founding Kidlets, would have intended this if they knew how many red leaning states there are.

I’m getting a headache with all these future plans to consider while I am on my vacation. The way things are going, I really think Congress should lake a longer vacation.

I want a new era of civility and politeness to enter the political debate. I think the standard has been set by Rep. Maxine Waters who said “the tea party can go straight to hell.” Thank you Maxine, for setting a clear baseline on civility that we can all follow.

That’s about it for now – I’ve got to pack and head to Air Force 329 (employing the latest in glider technology to reduce pollutants) so I can leave.

Having successfully dealt with the accusations against former VP Gore, the Portland PD announced that the procedure employed with Mr. Gore will become Standard Operating Procedure (SOP) for persons accused of crimes.

In investigating the guilt or innocence of the ex-VP, he was allowed to answer 14 written questions that were furnished to him to be answered at his leisure at home (or his lawyer’s office) some time prior to their decision not to prosecute. His attorneys, and anyone else for that matter, were allowed to help him with his answers.

The Portland PD announced that was so successful, from now on anyone accused of a crime would be questioned in the same manner. They considered two sets of questions, following the good cop bad cop interrogation proceedure, but it was deemed impractical.

The spokesperson announced that this would cut down on the number of policemen employed in Portland and certainly reduce the jail population. In the future – all personnel would be supplied with written questions to be given to the suspect to answer. Miranda rights would be typed at the top of the form. For those citizens of Portland who, having graduated from High School in Portland, could not read or write, special assistants would be furnished. For those good citizens of Portland who spoke only a foreign language, translators would be furnished. The Police would not be allowed to ask the immigration status of the non-English speaking suspects.

The Mayor’s office proudly announced that this was the most humane and forward looking police procedure ever adopted and he looked forward to great success in reducing the crime rate in Portland.

A number of web sites and ISPs have been closed by the Washington thought purity police. (see http://torrentfreak.com/u-s-authorities-shut-down-wordpress-host-with-73000-blogs-100716/)

A spokesperson (gender neutral identification – PC police – please note) for the Adminstration announced that the eGrumps websites (http://egrumps.com and http://pithycomment.com) would not be shut down by the Intellectual Property Enforcement Coordinator.

A concerted campaign led by a host of eGrumps fans resulted in the sites being removed from the “soon-to-be-deleted” list. A particulalry  poignent letter from eGrumps’ Mother entitled “Let My Son Continue with His Stupid Web Sites” stating if he was shut down, I’d have to talk to him and my mental health would seriously be compromised, please, please, please – Let My People Go!.

Intellectual Property Enforcement Coordinator Victoria Espinel, being a parent herself, took pity on eGrumps’  Mother and reviewed his web sites. Concluding that “there was no intellectual property on those web sites and it was eminently fit for America to read them.” Americans, and the rest of the civilized world (actually the rest of the world, civilized or not)  could profit from reading his sites.Well, “profit” isn’t exactly the right word.

Ray Bradury, writer of Fahrenheit 451, when learning of the new thought police, might have said, “I told you so.” (If you never read the book, eGrumps suggested it was a good read. Very Prophetic. Read it, and be afraid, very afraid)

Who would ever have thought of this for America in the 21st Century – an Intellectual Property Enforcement Coordinator? Next, President Obama will probably say “It’s for your own good,” sort of like what Mom said when I complained about eating spinach.

Tensions are developing between USA Financial Markets and German Financial Markets:

America has demanded greater transparency in the financial markets.

German has banned naked short selling in certain issues.

In a prepared statement, the German Minister of Super High Finance stated: “How transparent can the Yanks want us to be. Perhaps they are suggesting Germany X-Ray the naked short sellers, which we have banned,  but that hardly seems practical and, in any event will not stabilize the market, although it will increase the demand for German-made X-Ray machines.”

A spokesperson for the American Cabinet Department of Low Finance (A Division of Wall Street in Washington, Inc. doing business as “We Have Our Hands in the Public’s Pockets, Bless You Washington Politicians” )  has responded.  ”We are truly encouraged by the generous spirit of cooperation the German Minister of Super High Finance has shown, and America is willing to rethink its position on this contentious subject. We have requested that the Germans send us the pictures of the short sellers, in bathing suits, so that we can decide on the appropriateness of their solution. The company names of the X-Ray machine makers in Germany would also be helpful. “

The national “I-Got-A-Bridge I Want to Sell You”  Award for 2010 (so far) has been awarded to President Obama, ex-President Bill Clinton, Rahm Emanual and the rest of the senior White House Staff (excluding chefs.) The Award goes, each year to those who put out the most gullible news story, which, asks the public to believe it is true. In effect, the award goes to those who say “if you believe this story, I have a bridge I want to sell you.”

In a news conference on Thursday, May 27, President Obama stated that the “offical” story would be released on May 28th as to the offer to Rep. Sestak to withdraw from the Democratic Senatorial Primary against Sen. Specter. The Official story is that Emanual contacted Clinton who contacted Sestak and offered him a job as an unpaid  member of a Presidential Advisory Panel if he would not pursue his Senatorial dreams by running against good old Arlen S. Of course, Sestak, I think, was inelligible for the job since he already was on the federal payroll as a Representative, and the job didn’t pay any money anyhow, but that’s a small detail. In any event, it hardly seems credible that such would be offered to induce someone to withdraw from a Senate race.

No one thought to ask the President on May 27th what the unofficial story was, but again a small detail.

One can only speculate as to why it took the White House so long to respond with an official story, but that’s another  small detail, but I digress.

eGrumps confesses he does not know the truth of the story, but frankly, it does not pass the smell test. Actually, in eGrumps humble official opinion, the White House  official version is not credible.  So – the award of the I Got a Bridge I Want to Sell You for 2010 (so far) goes to the above mentioned recipients on the very logical theory, that if you believe that story, I’ve got a bridge I want to sell you – cheap.

But, hard as it is to believe, eGrumps could be wrong.

Expressing great concern over the law enacted by Arizona regarding illegal aliens (aka undocumented workers), a spokesperson for the Governor of the Great Insolvent State of California announced that California was erecting a fence between Arizona and California to prevent those targeted by the Arizona law from fleeing to California.

Stating that the federal government could not, or would not, act to prevent this anticipated invasion of California from those fleeing the tyranny of Arizona. “Let them go to Las Vegas,” the Governor’s spokesperson said.  ”They have plenty of employment opportunities for those willing to roll the dice, so to speak, on the economic climate of Nevada.”

“Our facilities are severely taxed now. It has gotten so bad in the Emergency Rooms of our hospitals, and our schools, and our welfare departments, that our own illegal immigrants are being denied certain basic rights. There simply is no more room or money to finance the basic needs of our own California illegal immigrants, yet alone Arizona illegal immigrants. We are not going to take this any longer. If the federal government will not act, we will,” he stated.

“Our fence, between Arizona and California, will be a civic project of which  all true Californians will be proud” he stated “We have hired the best fence-builders and fence decorators in the world.”

No word has come from Washington D. C., except for a brief announcement from the Dept. of Homeland Security that the Administration was appointing a Wall Czar so that all internal fences in the U.S. could be coordinated with common aesthetic features. Preliminary plans show that all guard towers will be concealed, but they will be acceptable to the Administration provided that at least 100 feet separate each guard tower. The new Wall Czar has stated: “We are proud of all Californians and their ability to face, and solve, an internal problem, in a civilized manner, without bloodshed – at least so far.”

The Administration has announced a new Immigration Policy which should solve, once and for all, the problem of illegal immigration -

By Executive Order, henceforth all illegal immigrants will be required to either be married, or get married within six months after they cross the Rio Grande, or wherever they are entering. All males must be accompanioed by their wives, or someone else’s wife – small detail – AND, here’s the important part. all females must give birth to a child within one year of their arrival, or their husband’s arrival, or their significant other’s arrival. The law is still being written, and Congress will know what they have passed within a reasonable time after passage.

These little heirs of the illegal’s, by virtue of being born in America, will under out Constitution and the foresight of the Founding Fathers (and Mothers) be American citizens. Now, so will their parents. Their families can remain united in a free country.The new law will provide two things to remove the stigma of illegal entry:

1: Since the children will be citizens, ALL parents of a child, who have entered the country illegally, (the parent, not the child) will automatically become American citizens upon paying a citizenship fee of $2.50 AND signing an irrevocable voter registration card for the Democratic party. An ability to read and write English will be helpful, but not an actual requirement since it would violate the American principles against racial profiling, and

2: All such children, and their parents will automatically be granted the right to vote, no matter what their age. Children, however,  must be either over the age of five, or toilet trained, whichever comes first in order to vote. The Administration was unwilling to take a chance on dirty diapers in the polling booths of America. Since their may be an inability of such children to vote because they may be unable to physically fill out the ballot, any precinct worker will be empowered to actually fill out the ballot, depending on the wishes of the child. If the child cannot clearly express such wishes, the precinct worker can infer his wishes based upon the irrevocable voter registration card filled out by his parent (see #1 above).

“We have finally solved the illegal immigration problem, amnesty and citizenship for the immigrants.” the Administration spokesman said. “No more divisive fights. It is a win-win solution for America. Americans, fair minded citizens all, should rejoice in this simple solution  which has evaded so many politicians for so long. The Country is secure once again, governed by the rule of law, which has made America such a great country, a haven for the poor of the world. George Washington would be proud.”

This is the story of the first graduate.

A man is seated in an airliner, which is about to take off when another man with a Labrador retriever occupies the empty seats next to him.
The lab is situated in the middle, and the man is looking quizzically at the dog when the second man explains they work for  the airline.

The airline rep said,”Don’t mind Sniffer; he is the best sniffing dog  there is. I’ll show you once we get airborne when I put him to work.

The plane takes off and levels out when the handler says to the first man,”Watch this”. He tells the dog, “Sniffer search”.
Sniffer jumps down, walks along the aisle and sits next to a woman for a  few seconds, then returns to its seat and puts one paw on the
handlers arm. He says “Good boy.”

The airline rep turns to the first man and says, “That woman is in possession of marijuana, so I’m making note of this and her seat
number for the police who will apprehend her on arrival.”

“Fantastic!” replies the first man.

Once again he sends Sniffer to search the aisles. The lab sniffs
about, sits down beside a man for a few seconds and returns to its seat,and places two paws on the handlers arm. The airline rep says,
“That man is carrying cocaine, so again I’m making note of this and his seat number.”

“I like it!” says the first man.

A third time the rep sends Sniffer to search the aisles. Sniffer goes up and down the plane and after a while he sits down
next to someone. He then comes racing back, jumps up onto his seat, and poops all over the place.
The first man is really grossed out by this behavior from a supposedly well trained sniffing dog and asks,”Whats going on?”

The handler nervously replies,”He just found a bomb!”

_________________________________________________________________________

Dear Mr. Groves:

I have previously posted about your (our)(America’s) problem with the census you are taking. (See my posts of March 18 and March 22) I wrote about the enclosure letter I received with the census form and the separate letter that your Department subsequently sent. BOTH of them said, in effect – fill out the census form and mail it in right away. The problem was that the form asked for information  as of April 1, 2010, and your department wanted it mailed in prior to that date. By common logic,  common sense and basic intelligence, that information could not be provided accurately.

In case you can’t figure it out – let me state it again. I can not give you a report in March, 2010, telling you who is living in my house on April 1, 2010. I can’t tell you his or her sex, race or anything else about him or her, in advance – so stop bugging me.

Now – I have received a post card bearing your signature, you probably didn’t sign it personally,  stating “It is important that you respond…If you have not responded please provide your information…” I simply cannot do that, so stop wasting the government’s time and money asking me to do the impossible.

Somehow, Mr. Groves your conduct reminds me of Congress where they keep passing bills they haven’t read and don’t really understand the consequences. Your conduct casts a pall over the whole census procedure and should, I submit,  invalidate the census.  I don’t believe you have the guts to admit that you are invalidating the census procedure, but it should be retaken because you are telling everyone to do what can’t be truthfully done. You want the American public to lie, plain and simple.

You are making a mockery of U. S. Government statistics, but what else is new?

Cordially

eGrumps

Obamacare provides for a new 10% “tax” to be levied upon the gross receipts of tanning salons – presumably the customers would be charged an extra 10% on the cost of their “treatments.” What has not been mentioned is the racial overtones of this tax. It is undisputed that the primary customers of these salons are Caucasians,  so while Blacks, or non Caucasians do use the salons, they are in a distinct minority. The Whites would be disproportionately subject to the “revenue enhancing measure” – a non-tax  for those earnings less than $250,000 per year. Whoever said “Revenue enhancing measures are color blind” never heard of this “tax” on tanning salons. Frankly, this is subtle discrimination in its most insidious and obnoxious form. I submit it is a form of reverse affirmative action. (or, more properly, disaffirmative action)

More discouraging is the plan to hire 150,000 (+/-) IRS Agents to police these businesses.  It is necessary to read between the lines of this measure to realize that the extra money that will be raised will be used to hire FBI Agents to oversee the IRS Agents.  Any funds left over (Hah – when it comes to government “tax revenues”) will be used to hire CIA Agents to oversee the FBI Agents who are overseeing the IRS agents. Interpol also wants some money to oversee the CIA Agents who are overseeing the FBI Agents who are overseeing the IRS Agents. Is America not a free enterprise democracy, or what? This is the “Stimulus Package” at its finest – job creation!

The new slogan “Tax their hides, black, white and those in-between. The government needs the money” The Agents have been instructed to be sure and read the customers their Miranda rights, at least the IRS Agents that can read, have been so instructed.

A quick review of the Constitution shows nothing about tanning salons, so presumably it is a legal exercise of the inherent “taxing” powers vested in the Federal Government, the States Governments, the County Governments and the City Governments, not to mention Special Appraisal Districts and those other governmental entities that have “taxing” authority and that desire to squeeze extra money out of their law abiding citizens.