In an effort to protect American airliners, President Obama announced the formation of a dog corps, designed to sniff out trouble before it begins. This is the story of the first graduate. A man is seated in an airliner, which is about to take off when another man with a Labrador retriever occupies the empty [...]

Would you read a book that had the following review? “Money Shot is a stunner, careening along with a wild, propulsive energy and a deliciously incendiary spirit. Laced with bravado and loaded up with knockout charm, Christa Faust’s Money Shot debut is the literary equivalent of a gasoline cocktail.” Actually, the grammar isn’t quite right. [...]

eGrumps, the owner of the other subprime web site, http://pithycomments.com, has generously not objected to our posting the following which we stole from him, which he, of course,  stole from others. It’s Thanksgiving – hooray!! By special dispensation from eGrumps, all diets are automatically suspended until Friday, November 27, 2009. I knew you were waiting [...]

Even eGrumps’ Mother (age 92) is getting caught up in the digital age. She told him: “You don’t write. You don’t call. You don’t FAX. You don’t email.  You don’t text. If it weren’t for www.egrumps.com and www.pithycomment.com I’d never hear from you”

eGrumps favorite (often ignored by eGrumps): When all else fails, read the instructions. Nothing is as easy as it looks. Every solution breeds new problems. After all is said and done, a hell-of-a lot more is said than done. If mathematically you end up with a wrong answer, try multiplying by the page number. All [...]

1. I will try to figure out why I need 8 e-mail addresses 2. I will stop sending e-mail to my wife. 3. I resolve to back up my 1GB hard drive daily, …well, once a week….well, once a month. 4. I will spend less than one hour a day on the Internet. 5. I [...]

The following are preserved in the Annals of Famous Last Words: 1. What does this button do? 2. I’m making a citizen’s arrest. 3. Are you sure the power is off? 4. He’s probably just hibernating 5. The odds of that happening have to be a million to one. 6. Pull the pin and count [...]

Before making his nomination, President BHO read Hamlet’s Soliloquy: “To empathize, or not to empathize, is that the criteria I use? Whether ’tis nobler in the view of the populace to have a judge that empathizes Or take arms against a sea of voters. And by opposing end the problem no matter what the voters [...]

Dear God: This year,  please send clothes to all those poor ladies on Daddy’s Computer. I promise to be good next year!

Murphy’s Laws of Technology: 1. Logic is a systematic way of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence. 2. The attention span of a computer is only as long as its electrical cord. 3. The degree of technical competence is inversely proportional to the level of management.

After considerable debate among his 3 friends, and a very close vote, 3 to 1 with eGrumps being in the minority, he proudly announced that his suggestion for an official slogan, despite not being approved by the three friends,  would be adopted. His 3 friends resigned, all leaving the conference room, saying, in effect, eGrumps, we are [...]

(Washington, D.C., April 29, 2009) (Exclusive to eGrumps) After proudly proclaiming his accomplishments during the first 100 days, President Obama quoted that late great comedian, Al Jolsen “You ain’t seen nothin’ yet.” Later. at his weekly grand meeting of csars, one of the csars, thinking his microphone was shut off,  was overheard to say, “If the [...]

I went out with a pair of twins last night. Really, did you have a good time? Yes and no.

1. An idea is not responsible for the people who believe in it. 2. Education has produced a vast population able to read, but unable to distinguish what is worth reading. (G.M.Trevelyan). 3. Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense. (S. Landesberg) 4. Artifical intelligence is no match for natural stupidity. [...]

Congressional Hearing, 2003 “Rep.  Frank: I do think I do not want the same kind of focus on safety and soundness that we have in OCC [Office of the Comptroller of the Currency] and OTS [Office of Thrift Supervision]. I want to roll the dice a little bit more in this situation towards subsidized housing. [...]

President Obama, after holding the first Passover Seder in the White House, for those of the Jewish faith who are on his staff, has learned of the action of the Somali Pirates in holding an American citizen hostage. Having read  historical sayings of prior sages of  the Jewish community, in other situations, felt it appropriate [...]

Great Invention: For people who like peace and quiet, a phoneless cord. Great fortune cookie message: Ignore previous cookie. Mae West Quote: He who hesitates is lost. Sex is the most fun you can have without smiling. I’m in a phone booth at the corner of Walk and Don’t Walk.