Question of the day: Why should I have to press “1″ for English?

2nd Question of the day: Why do technical support people (generally speaking) in foreign countries not speak English loudly and clearly?

3rd Question of the day: Why do technical support people (generally speaking) in foreign countries almost always have to go to their supervisors to  answer anything but the most simple  questions? Why don’t they connect us to the supervisors in the first place.?

4th Question of the day: Whose time is more valuable – the foreign tech. support people or mine? (Don’t answer that)

Most Important Question of the Day: How many technical support people in foreign countries does it take to answer your question? (Damned if I know – I don’t understand their answer anyhow, so I could be talking to the same person, each time using a slightly different accent). Statistics, however,  show the following:

1: The American operator who first answers the call and transfrers you to the foreign operator.

2. The foreign operator who asks who you want to speak to.

3. Assuming you don’t know the name of the person, then you get a new foreign operator who asks you the name, product number and serial number of the item in question.

4. The foreign operator who tells you where the serial number is located, and then puts you on hold while you crawl on the floor to find the damn number.

5. The new foreign operator who picks up the phone after you are disconnected while on hold by the first operator while you searched for the damn number.

6. The three new operators who repeat the questions in “2″ “3″ and “4″

7. The techical support person who asks you the same information you gave twice before about product name, etc. Now, however, he wants your name, address, last four digits of your SSN, driver’s license number, credit card number, date of purchase of the product, where you bought it, the invoice number and the date of registration. Sometimes you are asked for your Mother’s maiden name, but not always. (If they don’t ask, give it to them anyhow, it’ll save time in the long run).

8. The foreign librarian who looks up the answer in the manual so that the person in “7″ can answer the question.

9. The supervisor who tells the librarian she pulled the wrong spec sheet and sends her back to the tech. support person – who now talks to you in the dialect of Southwest Lower Slabovia giving you the correct answer, maybe, from the new spec sheet.

You add them up, I don’t have that many fingers, and besides my computer calculator doesn’t work, which is why I called in the first place.

Having successfully dealt with the accusations against former VP Gore, the Portland PD announced that the procedure employed with Mr. Gore will become Standard Operating Procedure (SOP) for persons accused of crimes.

In investigating the guilt or innocence of the ex-VP, he was allowed to answer 14 written questions that were furnished to him to be answered at his leisure at home (or his lawyer’s office) some time prior to their decision not to prosecute. His attorneys, and anyone else for that matter, were allowed to help him with his answers.

The Portland PD announced that was so successful, from now on anyone accused of a crime would be questioned in the same manner. They considered two sets of questions, following the good cop bad cop interrogation proceedure, but it was deemed impractical.

The spokesperson announced that this would cut down on the number of policemen employed in Portland and certainly reduce the jail population. In the future – all personnel would be supplied with written questions to be given to the suspect to answer. Miranda rights would be typed at the top of the form. For those citizens of Portland who, having graduated from High School in Portland, could not read or write, special assistants would be furnished. For those good citizens of Portland who spoke only a foreign language, translators would be furnished. The Police would not be allowed to ask the immigration status of the non-English speaking suspects.

The Mayor’s office proudly announced that this was the most humane and forward looking police procedure ever adopted and he looked forward to great success in reducing the crime rate in Portland.

A number of web sites and ISPs have been closed by the Washington thought purity police. (see http://torrentfreak.com/u-s-authorities-shut-down-wordpress-host-with-73000-blogs-100716/)

A spokesperson (gender neutral identification – PC police – please note) for the Adminstration announced that the eGrumps websites (http://egrumps.com and http://pithycomment.com) would not be shut down by the Intellectual Property Enforcement Coordinator.

A concerted campaign led by a host of eGrumps fans resulted in the sites being removed from the “soon-to-be-deleted” list. A particulalry  poignent letter from eGrumps’ Mother entitled “Let My Son Continue with His Stupid Web Sites” stating if he was shut down, I’d have to talk to him and my mental health would seriously be compromised, please, please, please – Let My People Go!.

Intellectual Property Enforcement Coordinator Victoria Espinel, being a parent herself, took pity on eGrumps’  Mother and reviewed his web sites. Concluding that “there was no intellectual property on those web sites and it was eminently fit for America to read them.” Americans, and the rest of the civilized world (actually the rest of the world, civilized or not)  could profit from reading his sites.Well, “profit” isn’t exactly the right word.

Ray Bradury, writer of Fahrenheit 451, when learning of the new thought police, might have said, “I told you so.” (If you never read the book, eGrumps suggested it was a good read. Very Prophetic. Read it, and be afraid, very afraid)

Who would ever have thought of this for America in the 21st Century – an Intellectual Property Enforcement Coordinator? Next, President Obama will probably say “It’s for your own good,” sort of like what Mom said when I complained about eating spinach.

Tensions are developing between USA Financial Markets and German Financial Markets:

America has demanded greater transparency in the financial markets.

German has banned naked short selling in certain issues.

In a prepared statement, the German Minister of Super High Finance stated: “How transparent can the Yanks want us to be. Perhaps they are suggesting Germany X-Ray the naked short sellers, which we have banned,  but that hardly seems practical and, in any event will not stabilize the market, although it will increase the demand for German-made X-Ray machines.”

A spokesperson for the American Cabinet Department of Low Finance (A Division of Wall Street in Washington, Inc. doing business as “We Have Our Hands in the Public’s Pockets, Bless You Washington Politicians” )  has responded.  ”We are truly encouraged by the generous spirit of cooperation the German Minister of Super High Finance has shown, and America is willing to rethink its position on this contentious subject. We have requested that the Germans send us the pictures of the short sellers, in bathing suits, so that we can decide on the appropriateness of their solution. The company names of the X-Ray machine makers in Germany would also be helpful. “

The national “I-Got-A-Bridge I Want to Sell You”  Award for 2010 (so far) has been awarded to President Obama, ex-President Bill Clinton, Rahm Emanual and the rest of the senior White House Staff (excluding chefs.) The Award goes, each year to those who put out the most gullible news story, which, asks the public to believe it is true. In effect, the award goes to those who say “if you believe this story, I have a bridge I want to sell you.”

In a news conference on Thursday, May 27, President Obama stated that the “offical” story would be released on May 28th as to the offer to Rep. Sestak to withdraw from the Democratic Senatorial Primary against Sen. Specter. The Official story is that Emanual contacted Clinton who contacted Sestak and offered him a job as an unpaid  member of a Presidential Advisory Panel if he would not pursue his Senatorial dreams by running against good old Arlen S. Of course, Sestak, I think, was inelligible for the job since he already was on the federal payroll as a Representative, and the job didn’t pay any money anyhow, but that’s a small detail. In any event, it hardly seems credible that such would be offered to induce someone to withdraw from a Senate race.

No one thought to ask the President on May 27th what the unofficial story was, but again a small detail.

One can only speculate as to why it took the White House so long to respond with an official story, but that’s another  small detail, but I digress.

eGrumps confesses he does not know the truth of the story, but frankly, it does not pass the smell test. Actually, in eGrumps humble official opinion, the White House  official version is not credible.  So – the award of the I Got a Bridge I Want to Sell You for 2010 (so far) goes to the above mentioned recipients on the very logical theory, that if you believe that story, I’ve got a bridge I want to sell you – cheap.

But, hard as it is to believe, eGrumps could be wrong.

Reacting strongly to criticism for not visiting the oil spill, and related environs, the Office of the President issued the following press release:

“The President is deeply upset about the storm of unpatriotic and seditious criticism that has been released against him for not visiting the oil spill sooner. He wanted the public to know that he has been very busy with affairs of state, and decided to stay in D.C. However, he has decided to book rooms in Hilton Head, South Carolina, at the leading golf resort on the East Coast, to observe the oil spill first hand.

That way he will be able to observe the oil spill while it works its way North, while at the same time he will be able to polish his golf game. He can thus combine business with pleasure. His spokesman issued the following statement: ‘Once you have seen one oil spill, you have seem them all. The crisis has been severlly exaggerated and the President feels his observation of the spill from the golf course will be just as good as if he had flown down there immediately after the oil rig collapsed. He is mindful of his responsibilities, one of which is to keep his physical and mental health strong, by playing golf on a regular basis while at the same time fulfilling his responsibility by observing the spill in great detail from the comfort of a golf cart, which has already been reserved for him. He also felt, the spokesman went on to say, that by hiring a caddy, he would be doing his part to reduce the unemployment rate in the US.’ “

President Obama will not attend the ceremonies at the Tomb of the Unknowns on Memorial Day, 2010. He will be in Chicago. V-P Biden will attend. On a few occasions, other Presidents have sent others to participate and to lay a wreath on the tomb.

IMO – That does not justify President Obama’s absence.

________________________________________________________________

Now that someone in Washington has finally read the Arizona law and found it bans racial profiling, a new approach has been advanced to show the heinous nature of the law: it has the potential to lead to racial profiling.

Hey Guys and Gals in Washington DC – I’ve got news for you – EVERY CRIMINAL LAW HAS THE POTENTIAL TO LEAD TO RACIAL PROFILING. For example – traffic laws – like speed limit laws – can lead to racial profiling in that the police might, just might, have a tendency to stop cars being driven by a certain minority group, but not by whites. So – lets do away with all criminal laws on that basis – they have a potential to lead to racial profiling – that’ll simplify our lives, not to mention reducing the size of our police forces, thus saving lots of taxpayer dollars.

Makes sense to me.

____________________________________________________________________

Reacting to harsh criticism the Governor of Arizona has announced a policy designed to prevent any hint of racial profiling:

The spokesperson announced: “For those illegal immigrants who may temporarily be visiting the great State of Arizona, and who are afraid they may be called upon to prove their legal right to continue their stay in Arizona – in order to prevent racial profiling they should take the following step to protect their civil rights:

GO HOME!

That course of action will spare them any embarrassment and protect their privacy. If they go home, their civil rights problem in Arizona will be solved.

Printed cards will be distributed, in English and Spanish, so that this advice will not be forgotten.

A simple solution to a difficult problem:

GO HOME!

American citizens will be given a free copy of their birth certificates which they are encouraged to carry in their wallets.

Illegals spare us a lot of trouble and expense, please:

Go Home”

When President Obama,  Attorney General Holder, Home Security Czar Janet N. were asked about the new policy, all said they had not read it, but it sounded illegal to them and unconstitutional unless a comprehensive solution to the “problem” could be made.  All said they preferred amnesty since it seemed the more humane course, and, of course,  that way, the illegals could all be made wards of the state and allowed to vote in America’s elections.

Expressing great concern over the law enacted by Arizona regarding illegal aliens (aka undocumented workers), a spokesperson for the Governor of the Great Insolvent State of California announced that California was erecting a fence between Arizona and California to prevent those targeted by the Arizona law from fleeing to California.

Stating that the federal government could not, or would not, act to prevent this anticipated invasion of California from those fleeing the tyranny of Arizona. “Let them go to Las Vegas,” the Governor’s spokesperson said.  ”They have plenty of employment opportunities for those willing to roll the dice, so to speak, on the economic climate of Nevada.”

“Our facilities are severely taxed now. It has gotten so bad in the Emergency Rooms of our hospitals, and our schools, and our welfare departments, that our own illegal immigrants are being denied certain basic rights. There simply is no more room or money to finance the basic needs of our own California illegal immigrants, yet alone Arizona illegal immigrants. We are not going to take this any longer. If the federal government will not act, we will,” he stated.

“Our fence, between Arizona and California, will be a civic project of which  all true Californians will be proud” he stated “We have hired the best fence-builders and fence decorators in the world.”

No word has come from Washington D. C., except for a brief announcement from the Dept. of Homeland Security that the Administration was appointing a Wall Czar so that all internal fences in the U.S. could be coordinated with common aesthetic features. Preliminary plans show that all guard towers will be concealed, but they will be acceptable to the Administration provided that at least 100 feet separate each guard tower. The new Wall Czar has stated: “We are proud of all Californians and their ability to face, and solve, an internal problem, in a civilized manner, without bloodshed – at least so far.”